Ianardo; an interview

Due to my obsession with beating Final Fantasy II, I haven't been able to sail up and down a coastline, pillaging and taking what is rightfully mine by right of conquest, bloodshed, and my amazing ability to kick-ass. This means that I have no Viking gold in which to buy games with, and hence my late post and my greatest idea ever.

The man I interviewed today is a master of all things amazing. A gamer, like me, but also a famed lover, pilot, archer, barista, surgeon, crocodile breeder, bee-keeper and bird watching enthusiast, this man is all things desired and desirable.

His name is simply; Ianardo. Less simply, it's not, but I have to use this false name to cover the identity of my good friend, lest his name gets released into the public and he is gang-raped to death by a mob of women and bikies. (Don't worry Ian, I've got your back)

Ianardo and I sat down today in his yacht, sipping molten gold from platinum glasses, and discussed all things gaming with me. I'm not sure if typed interviews are considered live, but here is all the uncut action:

The Viking Gamer: Greetings Ianardo.

Ianardo: Hello.

The Viking Gamer: How long have you been gaming, dear Ianardo?

Ianardo: Uhh since i got a sega master system for my 6th bday.

The Viking Gamer: And what was your initial reaction to this?

Ianardo: If I were a tad older I would have blown. But yeh i was quite excited.

The Viking Gamer: As someone who has obviously been gaming for a while, do you feel that games should be considered a form of art? Or do you feel that games are only an interactive form of media designed by variously talented individuals and should be left as an entity which only has an entertainment value?

Ianardo: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................

The Viking Gamer: In your own time.

Ianardo: Haha definitely a form of art. I think anyone who has played Bioshock would agree.

The Viking Gamer: As you and I and an extended part of the female community knows, you have been a fiery lover to thousands of women. During one of your escapades, I can only assume you role-played as video game characters. What did you and your at that time lover(s) dress up as?

Ianardo: You assume wisely. I think my favourite would have to be Cloud and pre-executed Aeris. I also tried Mario and Luigi once. It was um, odd... I shall not be venturing back into that territory anytime soon...

The Viking Gamer: I agree, moustaches tickle far too much.

Ianardo: Tell me about it!

The Viking Gamer: If Tidus, the main character of Final Fantasy X came to your door and asked for some sugar, what would your reaction/answer be?

Ianardo: I would say: 'this is MY story BITCH!!!' and then bludgeon him to death with my rod.

The Viking Gamer: Amen to that. However, I was playing a game the other day, and caught myself thinking, how did I ever come to love gaming so much? When was that initial passion born? My question to you is, did you shit on my pillow at Lake Tabourie?

Ianardo: Yes. Yes i did. And ill do it again. I thought we established this? I seem to remember that the death of Dimitar Berbatov was somehow invloved with that story as well.

The Viking Gamer: He had it coming, I'm sure we can agree on that.

Ianardo: Indeed.

The Viking Gamer: My final question for you today, dear Ianardo, is this; In one word, answer the following question: Do you love gaming (will you marry me)?

At this point the interview came to a halt, as my ability to say two different sentences simultaneously almost made me swallow my tongue, and Ianardo noticed the Swedish national beach volleyball team having some trouble swimming. In one move, ripping off his shirt to reveal a seventeen pack (the eighteenth he auctioned off for charity) and diving off the side of his yacht, he quickly saved all twelve of them, and carried them one by one into his private chambers, before assuring me that he would answer my question after he gave the ladies CPR and a full body inspection.

That was at 12pm, and just having arrived home at 8:30 without seeing him come up from his chambers, I can only assume he is trying to learn as much about Sweden as he possibly can, so as to extend what is an already Encyclopedic knowledge of the world he lives in.

This weekend I will be dedicating to terrorising a village and getting all the gold I can so as to bring you another quality review from the Viking Gamer, the gamer with horns in his hat.