Monster Hunter Tri

There are times when even I stop and wonder whether it's the majesty of a fine game, the fun, excitement and the sense of achievement that keeps me playing a game till the early hours of the morning, the game doggedly forcing my attention to remain on it, till my passion is consumed and spent.

Or could I simply be addicted to shitty games?

Monster Hunter Tri is either a very good, fun game, or a game that has been designed to get a hand under my horned helmet to force my head toward the screen.

Most of my loyal followers will initially believe that men and women hunting giant, deadly monsters with giant, deadly weapons will be nothing short of the Viking version of the Sims. Yet, this is not so, and ultimately proves that my fan-base, which is surely comprised of the best and brightest in the world, is still ignorant about Vikings and the Viking way of life.

It is because of this reason that I continue to accept questions from my adoring public, and one such question is perfect to not only illuminate Viking society and lifestyle, but directly relate to Monster Hunter Tri.

The question comes from Yngve Ulf. At first I thought it might be from some spam ad asking if I would like to decrease the size of my Viking manhood (Vikings get spam to reduce, as there is no point in making what is already considered a log any bigger). Luckily, I remembered that some Vikings are still named in a way so that if their enemies try to curse their name, they end up choking on their tongue instead. A good defence is a good offence.

Yngve asks: "Do Vikings have any weaknesses? If so, what are they?"

Vikings rarely speak of our weaknesses, even to other Vikings, but I will publicly announce these weaknesses anyway, because I am the keeper of the Dragon Punch and fear nothing.

Our first weakness is our greatest. Once a year for a short period of time, Vikings will cease their plundering, for there is a spirit that Vikings cannot stand to face against.

This spirit of course, is the Christmas spirit. Imagine for a second you are an honest everyday Viking, and you've just busted down the doors of an orphanage. There are decorations everywhere, and a tree and presents, and a little orphan boy who's holding a tiny puppy which is licking his face. In the face of this, how are you supposed to pillage and burn the building down? Vikings have long resented Christmas spirit, as it is almost impossible to do your job right when everyone is smiling.

In fact, I will use this blog to ask you every day people out there to stop being happy. It only makes our job harder. The more miserable you look, the more we'll feel like we're doing you a favour.

Our second weakness is Dragons. When the world was stupid and still believed in these creatures, the Vikings had a running joke that we could only be killed by Dragons, and thus people took this as truth, much like Wikipedia today.

So in Viking society, if we call someone a Dragon Slayer, it means they have told a funny lie, or have slept with someone elses Grandmother, which is also another acceptable form of joking.


How does this relate to Monster Hunter Tri? Well, this game makes me feel like someone has slept with my Grandmother (a Viking colloquialism for 'the jokes on me').

This games ideal is the same as World of Warcraft and other MMORPG's. No story, no ending, just play and get better.

I have never liked games like this before. If the point is to get better so you can get better so you can get better, it's practically pointless. Search for items, kill certain things, become powerful. And then what? Get better again?

But that's just personal taste.

This game denies me everything I want it to be. I want big, lush, colourful landscapes and I get mediocre and limited environments. I want my character to somehow be original, I want to use and present him so he remains unique. Yet side by side to my most common gaming companion we are identical. I wanted each monster to be different, and to have to use varied and sometimes complex methods to bring down a beast, yet I just hack away with whatever weapon I have and they eventually come down.

Some would argue that chopping off tails or damaging manes or the seemingly random inability to attack certain parts of a monster means that they are unique. But they would be wrong (trust me, I'm the one with the helmet).

I've never really aimed my attacks except maybe for FRONT and BACK. This seems to be about as accurate you need to be.

The controls are slow to react, and in a game where dodging and attacking are essential, I find this infuriating. As an example, after running from the battle, being made to stop while you put your weapon away, then being unable to move for the three or more seconds while you ingest a potion, it is incredibly likely you will be hit, thus making the whole process of taking the potion a frustrating nightmare. It's also a pain in my muscled Viking arse when I try to do a dodge move backwards, holding the analog stick towards me, as in away from the screen, as in BACKWARDS, and he dodges forward INTO THE ATTACK! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

The monsters are predictable after a while, and this takes away the fun for me. I want to see an enraged beast acting out of adrenaline, using its natural size, strength and weight to kill an enemy. Watching the creature do the same series of actions, which don't seem to correspond with what's happening around it just makes me just want throw my Wii at a priest.

...But I don't. Even though the game has frustrated me as much as priests do, denied me everything it could have been and is the reason my rooms walls are currently littered with embedded weapons, I haven't stopped playing it.

Despite the internet connection and friend making component of the Wii system and the game itself, which is a laborious task (I had to take a week off Viking-ing to recover), this game is fun to play with your friends.

This is the first game I have felt that you truly work with your friends to achieve better results. My companion needed to get a bug, so we did missions to find the bug. We wanted more claws, so we pwned some noob and got more claws. We both got better with eachothers help.

I can completely understand why this game has had a huge cult following for years. It's the same reason people love World of Warcraft. You get better to get better, and your character looks cooler and with that comes a semblance of respect. But for me, if this game didn't have an online component, or my friends didn't own it, I would've stopped playing it the day I bought it.

Monster Hunter Tris' only saving grace is its online play, and the fact that I have good friends to play it with. Due to this, I will give it two sets of scores, one for people like me, who are well loved and have lots of friends, and for those who have no friends except for those you draw on the birthday card you had to send yourself.

For people with friends: Mark's Marks: 3.5/5

For those who'll inevitably die alone: 1/5

Til next time, the gamer with horns on his hat.



PS. The Viking Gamer now has his own website, http://www.thevikinggamer.tk/. Become a follower for your chance to receive amazing prizes!

PPS. The Viking Gamer loves that people love him enough to send him questions, so keep that giant ego afloat with your adoring mail.

PPPS. Santa was a Viking. The reason people celebrate Christmas day is because, long ago Säntä (his real name) decided not to kill people for one day a year. If you dont believe me, Wikipedia is right there for you.